September 2004
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What's up everybody? Not a moment too soon for an updated web page entry.
I am still on tour with Stephen Lynch, a tour that very well may be extended. That's right, held over bitches!!
I know that I am offering t-shirts for sale, I am opening myself up for harsh critiques from people who own my first cd, I will never sell shit. Please cross out the "never" on your cds.
Love, Mitch
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John, Albert & Mitch in NY
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| Click for an Apology to Seattle
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June 1, 2004
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How is everyone?
I am in Tempe, Arizona. Relaxing in a hotel watching Halloween, The Curse of Michael Meyers. I love movies about the fall.
Check this out, Priscilla Presley came to a show of mine. That's right, Lisa Marie's Mom! She was with some friends (family, perhaps) and they all said hello after the show. She had two young, long-haired dudes in tow. I think they knew of me and dragged Mrs. Elvis along to witness one hell of a mediocre performance in Ontario, CA. Had I known they were in the audience I would have immediately stopped telling shitty jokes.
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Sunset in the desert, pure magic. Purple haze, burnt orange shades, freaky little lizards. Congratulations to the one that went on to sell auto insurance.
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I guess Mr. Ryan Adams doesn't want to fuel up the buses and tour together. Maybe we'll cross paths late at night at an AM/PM, filling up a 20oz. cup with pre-blended vanilla cappucino. Rock on, Ryan, I still love you.
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Thanks to all of y'all who went out and purchased my latest disc, Mitch All Together. I know it' hard to find the comedy section in a cd store and to hope it's alphabetically sound is fruitless. If you need help, ask dudes.
So many people are coming out to the clubs. I'd like to thank everyone on you. Honestly, you keep me working. I love to stand in front of you, bark out jokes and stare at the stage. I'll go anywhere as long as the city allows ex-cons to talk into microphones.
There is a joke in that last paragraph. Hope you know that.
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Michael Meyers just killed somebody. And now he's standing behind a man.
Thank you, Justin from Zebrahead, you actually sat through 3 shows. You've got endurance, bitch.
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Deadwood
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Oz
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If anybody reading this knows somebody who can pull strings at HBO, tell them I'd love a one hour special. If you don't want to tell them that, say "DEADWOOD" is like "OZ" as a western.
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Everybody have a glass of fresh squeezed O.J. and let's toast to the summer.
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Time to turn up some Tesla.
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From me, Mitch Hedberg
If this message, in it's attempts to be funny, isn't, I apologize.
P.S. Mike Meyers knows of the best short cuts.
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December 2003
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Update coming soon.
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November 4, 2003
It's time to pay attention to my website again. Hello everybody! I'm right in the middle of an amazing tour with Lewis Black and Dave Attell. Comedy Central doesn't always advertise my name at these shows (this is about to change) so check my tour dates and come on down. I always go on right after the emcee and do 25 minutes. Then Lewis and Dave do 35 minutes each and flip flop positions. It's a great show, something for everybody. Just let me know you are out there amidst the Attell / Black fans. Shout out 'HEDBERG!' or somethin'.
I had a crazy summer, but I'm in great shape and ready to move forward. I'm being vague but I love you all.
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My new cd is finally coming out for real on Dec. 9th, 2003. Some people have been waiting awhile and I apologize for being a release-date tease.
It'll be in the stores on the Comedy Central Label. It's called "Mitch All Together".
Buy it if you can, help me outsell N'SYNC, circa 1999!
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 Mitch Hedberg's "All Together"
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Mitchie
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Feb. 15, 2003
Hi, it's Mitchell. I'm in Jacksonville, Florida
facing the beach. I have a room at the Sea Turtle Inn. A sketch
of a sea turtle adorns the bathroom wall so I don't forget.
People out on the sand are acting like frolicking will be
outlawed tomorrow.
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Daytona 500 is 80 miles south of me. I prefer the Indy 500 cause I love milk. To the guys who drove who drove from Buffalo to Pittsburgh - Y'all amaze me. Thanks. Same to the folks who drove in from Indianapolis. You make me feel lucky and happy. This is for all of the people who paid for a ticket at the Improv in Pittsburgh: I give you all of my love. Just like Robert Plant. And to the people at NFU...same offer. Great crowds, everywhere. Josh Sneed gave me a stuffed koala bear. Beautiful gesture, J.S.! I'm one step away from getting a live one.
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Nov. 9, 2002
Hey Everybody,
I just landed a CD deal with Comedy Central so my new CD will be available
in stores! I know I've promised a new live disc for awhile now, but
this new deal has sort of added a slight delay to things.
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Early 2003 is what we're shooting for, the
tentatively titled "ALL ENCOMPASSINGLY" cd , that is. Thanks in advance
for your patience. For now, you can pick up my first disc, "STRATEGIC GRILL
LOCATIONS", right here. I'm also in the incense
business now so pick up some Cinnamon Roll Incense
while you are at it. If you think me selling incense is corny, relax. I
won't go too far, I promise. Smakie the Frog stuffed animals? We'll see.
I've been on a non-stop tour for over 3 months. My home is dusty and ruled
by spiders and my P.O. Box is stuffed to capacity, but I can't do anything
about that cause all you people who show up at the clubs to see me perform
give me shivers up and down my spine.
Thanks. M.H.
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June 25, 2002
Lynn and I were in Austin, TX....
Just flew out. This time I hung out on 8th Street. Needed to see what that was all about. So many people at the shows, man! I loved every moment. Drinks going down the hatches. I had an opem tab for Tom Hester, Art, even Eric D. had a couple. Art put an Icehouse on the tab without asking, then proceeded to take the stage and spit out a joke about golf course ball washers. Hester is about to produce an animal show, Deacon is fully immersed in punching up legend's daughter's songs, and Art is giving the 'Velveeta Torpedo' (his term) to a very sought after cult comedy club waitress. Lynn's doctor joke rules the female joke (unknown word).
I missed the Roth show in Tempe, but I'll try and wander around OzzFest in Pittsburgh. David Lee is making me laugh again. Read any current interview you can get your hands on.
Thanks to Isaac, Chris, Greg B., Travis, Steve, Tempe, and Austin.
Love it. M Hedberg
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June 17, 2002
I need a tour bus. Anybody who has a tour bus and is willing to work out a deal, please drop an e-mail to Webmaster Chaille. Right now my tour bus is an '83 Dodge Van with no A/C. I get jealous as I pass the real busses in the desert, my windows down, their windows up. They have cool air blasting away. I have a water bottle I splash on my face. To all the people who don't live in towns I perform in: I'd like to play your town. Are there enough people who'd show up to fill a rock club or something? 3 audience members equals loss of money. Money ain't what it's all about but it does help with transportation costs, and I can buy a hat from the local cool store if I pocket something. Let us know if your town might be a good place to book a show. I want to roll down a new highway. I'm gonna make sure I put my movie, "Los Enchiladas", on VHS and DVD as soon as I can. And I will have my new cd ready before summer ends. Where I live, the forest rangers are banning camp fires at campsties. Camping without a fire? Might as well ban tents. Where am I supposed to listen to ghost stories? Around the Coleman stove I guess. My wife Lynn has started playing guitar. She now has calluses on her fingers. Holding a cigarette is less painful for her. Now she sounds pretty, too.
Thanks, M H
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June 11, 2002
Orange County. Just saw Rick Kerns, David, Troy Baxley, Kevin, etc... in Denver. But now I'm in Orange County! An official California EpitomeŽ the Irvine Improv. Sunshine and resonable valet parking. High-concept restaurants (P.F. Chang's), High-concept women. A lady gave me a Tide Racing baseball hat. Thoughtful. A guy gave me a fist-full of something, then got kicked out. Sorry, man.
Scope the scene first. Mom, don't read too much into that last statement. Everything is ok. I am healthy. Except a drunk momma in Denver whipped a glass at me. Denver comics are talented! Lynn and I pitched a tent twice last week. Joshua Tree and Lake Havasue. Hard boiled eggs on the faux-Coleman stove. I love propane lanterns. And Eddie Bauer sleeping bags rated to 10°. Those who come to see my shows, I thank you. You are making it all sound good.
Friends Always, Mitch H
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May 18, 2002
Just finished a 3 day stint in Houston, Texas. Always a good time as Mark Babbitt knows how to talk your ear off in a hotel room. That's right, my ear is in Room 1017 of the Hilton. It's time to pitch a tent, take it down, drive, stop at another National Park, pitch a tent again, keep doing this until we get to Denver. No flying this time. Fuck the 'You have been selected at random' security checks. I have a tour bus now. It's a brown van. Looking for a driver. I want to do an HBO special. And I want everybody who cares to be there. Because the audiences at my shows are tremendous. Please e-mail HBO COMEDY and request that they let me do just that. I like the hazy California sun.
Mitchell
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April 15, 2002
I would like to do weekly (or so) posts. Here's my first one...
Hello to anybody who cares. I have had an incredible 3 weeks on the road, most of it spent in the southeast. The tour wrapped up with a once-in-a-lifetime show at the 40 WATT Club in Athens, GA. You know the history so I won't go into that but I will say that the 40 WATT staff was beautiful. We sat in the back until 4 AM taking turns talking. They were sweet and emotional. I also got to feel the thrill of walking to a Dairy Queen at midnight in pleasant weather. All of my college shows are as fun as not having to go to school. Students Rule. Oh yeah, I love highways.
MITCH
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